When it comes to bars and restaurants, San Francisco is an ever-changing kaleidoscope of options – If the kaleidoscope were on hyper-drive and you were looking at it after having just awoken in a hotel bed covered in Doritos with an inhuman hangover from your office holiday party.

 

…Which is an unnecessarily descriptive way of stating that choosing a place to eat in San Francisco can be a challenge.

 

On an average day in SoMa, looking for food can involve having to consider overall distance, weather, cost, accepted payment methods, potential wait based on lunch crowd traffic patterns, seating availability, likelihood of getting food poisoning, level of panache, etc. (Which is probably why I opted for microwaved $0.39 ramen twice this week.)

 

So needless to say, when a defunct quasi-dive bar a mere block from our office reopened as a restaurant, we immediately jumped at the opportunity to check it out.

 

Enter Lord George, the self-described low-key neighborhood gastropub with polished décor, seafood, shareable plates, cocktails & beer.

 

IMG_0120

 

One step inside the doors, and it is clear that Lord George passes for appropriate levels of panache. They have it all: beautiful lighting that is the perfect juxtaposition of elegance and modernity, crafty chalk-board specials, a pleasant open layout and a truly enviable Beauty and the Beast style sliding ladder. Add in the prominent painting of the Lord George himself, and you have the kind of restaurant you want to live in.

 

LordGeorge_1

 

Luckily, Lord George is more than just a pretty face. They also make a killer cocktail. Personally, I’m an advocate of the Oxford Comma (armagnac, aged rum, French & Italian vermouth, grenadine, bitters), partially for the taste, and partially because the description includes the line, “What are we? Savages?”

 

LordGeorge_3

 

But I’m getting ahead of myself. We’re talking food here. To ensure that you don’t get too hammered on that lunch hour of yours, Lord George is serving up a variety of menu options. Though the real treasure is their selection of fresh oysters, there are a number of other menu items that put just enough of an artesian twist on classic lunch items to give you what you want while also making you feel appropriately fancy.

 

Recommended Lunch: Market Fresh Oysters, French Fries and an ice-cold Trumer Pils. Maybe throw in the Clam Chowder if you’re feeling extra decadent.
LordGeorge_4LordGeorge_2

 

For these reasons, and due to the fact that they have free WiFi so you can host office working field trips here, I happily give Lord George a 4.5-star rating.

 

If you are wondering what qualifies me to write this review, rest-assured that I did my research. Luckily, it only took one highly refined Google search to uncover the holy grail of knowledge: A WikiHow article entitled “How to Become a Food Critic.”

 

If you need my credentials, here they are:

 

1. Develop fantastic writing skills as a newspaper reporter.

My stint with my high school newspaper featured many notable works, including “Live Gator at Gators Rally: Problem or Publicity?

 

2. Become familiar with the restaurant business.

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every episode of Restaurant: Impossible and Chopped.

 

3. Test the limits of your palate.

I once ate some python jerky.

 

4. Become an expert in food.

See #2

 

5. Research other food critics and chefs.

I have done extensive creeping on Iron Chef Morimoto, and this morning I watched the movie trailer for City of God.

 

6. Write reviews.

Check.

 

7. Don’t become recognizable.

I have worn several disguises during my visits to Lord George, including “professional businesswoman”, the “I worked out today and clearly haven’t changed yet” look, and “Throg, the Frog of Thunder” (it was Halloween).

 

8. Create a portfolio

I saved this article to my Google Docs – It begins.

 

9. Apply to different newspapers and magazines regarding writing food columns.

Eh, 8/9 is good enough.